Non-genuine. Pretend. Fake. These are some words people choose to describe me. Evidently, my enthusiasm and love for living, laughing and learning comes off to some folks as a very elaborate ruse. Which I can assure you, I have no capability or interest to maintain for so long. You know where my stupid, goofy smile comes from? It comes from being free of an existence mundane and painful. While quintessential to my growth, living in Florida amongst the type of people that look towards bullying as a joyful alternative to counseling. It made me miserable to both be subjected and to subject. Weird people will want to be your friends in Catholic school. Choose wisely. There’s since a better disposition towards life in my opinion because I’m just not part of that scene anymore. I’m enjoying my life in the grander spectrum of things and it’s making me feel so much better to be around creative people than to have to feel weighed down by the crucial opinions of people that ultimately don’t matter. I’m the most permanent thing in my life. And that’s a crucial importance. To maintain me and my rationale is of the utmost importance. However, what can I say about why I do things? Well, typically my intentions lie in this: Having a good time and having a fair amount of goodness about it. There’s no fun in hurting or terrorising those who aren’t yourself. It’s just not fun. And granted, I’ve made mistakes where I haven’t outright explained that to people in the past, and it has hurt them. Tremendously. But as a friend has recently explained to me, if you always tell the truth, you’ll never have to remember it. Lies aren’t as fortunately endowed. But what’s significant is one’s resilience against the forces of temptation. I was having this conversation with my father the other day, and one observation I noted after he kept talking about “evil people“ is that no one is really actually evil. Firstly, to be evil is to be productive. Secondly, nothing is actually evil unless it acts against a widespread amount of people’s agenda in a debilitating way. (I.E.: homicide, rape, etc.) Those issues are to be taken seriously. But if the situation is just against your day-to-day convenience, it’s not evil. It’s just inconvenient. That’s all. So if someone takes your parking lot, while you’re helping Grandma take her medication, there’s an inconvenience for you. But because you lack the understanding capability of someone mature-minded, you assume that you’re important enough to be hated, And that’s not really fair, right or sensical. Damning if cynical. Cynical if anything. Anything doesn’t really line up with everything I put out there. I’m just trying to get into a habit. Whether my other habits seem to pop up or not is totally unintentional. But if it happens, hey… That’s life. Like I really don’t know what to tell loved ones when they find concern in my behaviour. “Are you okay?” Man, if I wasn’t okay, I wouldn’t respond. I wouldn’t unload a massive rant. I wouldn’t try to preach it out to the masses. I wouldn’t even anticipate disaster. Because I wouldn’t care enough if I wasn’t okay. But I am great. The Okayest there ever is… Lest I become better in some time. Not this time and not always the next time. But there’s always time for another time and that’s what stands out to I and my beady eyes; a sense of complete equanimity. No, I’m not just saying that because of the Dave Chapelle special. I’m just saying that because I’ve learned time and time again that when your world burns over, all you can do is wait for it to sizzle out and be ready to rebuild stronger schools of thought. I probably disappoint people everyday. That’s not me talking down, that’s me speaking up. I’m aware. I screw up. A whole damn lot! But I’m just as clueless about why I can’t get a handle on somethings as you are. So yes, I’m single. But I’m happy. Because I’ve seen what being in a relationship can do to you. And it’s not pretty. Only thing I’m eating out, at this point? A McGriddle from McDonald’s. And that’s all I have on my reasons.